A honeymoon is that ultimate of holidays, one which we all hope to take at some stage in our lives. It will probably be the most expensive trip you've ever been on, so it should be your perfect holiday, one that provides you with memories to cherish for years to come. What a dreadful shame then that so many couples get it so horribly wrong. In my research for The Good Honeymoon Guide, I have come across scores of honeymoon couples with disappointing tales to tell: couples lured by discount deals to the Caribbean in August only to find themselves caught in a hurricane; couples promised wonderful ocean views but given a room overlooking an adjacent building site; and the surprise sailing honeymoon booked by a groom who didn't know that his spouse was prone to seasickness. Any seasoned traveller will tell you that the obstacles encountered while travelling are all part of the adventure, but for honeymooners such problems are nothing short of an intergalactic disaster.

The honeymoon traveller is unlike any other kind of traveller: the trip is billed as the holiday of a lifetime, and the pressure is on to enjoy every minute. As a result, couples regard their honeymoon in a totally different light than they would any 'normal' trip. Many couples have travelled extensively before their marriage, seeking out imaginative and far-flung destinations for in-depth exploration, but the moment the ring slips upon the finger all that changes: independent travellers who have, for years, lived and slept by their Lonely Planet bibles suddenly find themselves looking through brochures full of what they would normally refer to as 'boring beach holidays'. When it comes to booking a honeymoon, couples always seem to play it safe, which usually translates into them all trooping off to the same old trusted haunts. They flock in droves towards the reliable and idyllic islands of the Indian Ocean and the Caribbean: Mauritius, the Maldives, the Seychelles, St Lucia, Antigua and Barbados all appear regularly in the honeymoon Top Ten. If you are booking a honeymoon you'll know that this is largely because newlyweds want to be assured of that essential honeymoon ingredient: a romantic hotel with a bedroom to die for.

For many couples this is their first opportunity to stay in a luxurious hotel with all the trimmings, allowing them to revel in the glorious excesses of the hotel's room service, swim-up bars and jacuzzis. However, an all too common mistake is made by couples who dream of simply lazing around on the beach for two weeks on their honeymoon, and actually end up feeling bored and frustrated if there's nothing to do. Check with the hotel or travel agent and find out exactly what leisure facilities and cultural diversions are available should you get bored of the bedroom or the beach lounger!

Similarly, those planning an active honeymoon, with plenty of touring, sightseeing, and adventure activities, should take care to build in plenty of time for rest and relaxation: spend a few days lying on the beach or holed up in a mountain hideaway before you hit the trail. If you do decide on a really alternative destination, remember that you don't have to dash around and see every single highlight of that country in your two weeks. Many tour operators, particularly the specialist ones who are so enthusiastic about their countries, tend to push people into doing too much. Don't feel afraid to say no to some sightseeing and spend the day relaxing on your own instead.

Flights are also a big consideration when booking a honeymoon, as couples tend to be pretty exhausted after the wedding and may not necessarily feel like spending hours cooped up on an aeroplane. Don't think that romantic necessarily has to mean distant. It doesn't. Having said that, if you've absolutely set your heart on a country and a hotel that is thousands of miles away, why not take the plunge - there are always sleeping pills to fall back on.

Alternative honeymoon destinations

If you want to avoid the crowd, there are a comforting number of alternative destinations that offer culture, eco-tourism or adventure, as well as some really wonderful hotels where you can recharge your batteries and get into some serious honeymoon indulgence along the way. There's hardly a corner of the world now that doesn't boast some kind of superb hotel, making less-traditional honeymoon destinations such as Costa Rica, Indonesia, Morocco, Borneo, Chile, Tanzania, India, Thailand, Brazil and Egypt all realistic contenders for your dream trip.

Keep an open mind when selecting your destination. Many couples have looked aghast at the suggestion of India or Costa Rica, but have been readily convinced by the discovery that they would be staying in luxurious palace hotels if they chose India or exotic hand-crafted lodges set deep in the heart of the rainforest in Costa Rica.

The one golden rule of honeymoons is not to go somewhere that one of you has been to before - especially not with an ex, as there's nothing more tedious than being given a blow-by-blow account of a holiday they enjoyed, or even didn't enjoy, with someone else.

Who should book the honeymoon?

The first thing to do once you get engaged is to decide who is going to book the honeymoon. Although most couples now choose to plan this important holiday together, there are those who still believe in the tradition that it's a man's job. As one husband-to-be recently said to me: "Melissa is sorting out everything else, I just want to have something that I can say is totally and utterly all mine. She hasn't got a clue where we're going, but as soon as I saw it in a brochure I knew it was just perfect for the two of us, and I'm having such a great time planning it all in secret."

Surprise honeymoons are great. They are romantic, dreamy, exciting and thrilling, as long as you both feel that way. So before you take the ball off into your own court, do check that your other half is genuinely happy to go ahead with the plan. And check that they are still happy to hang in there until the departure lounge a week or two before the wedding, and once more a day or two before the big day. Bear in mind that many people also find it difficult to get excited about a holiday they cannot visualise.

If you are booking a surprise, the key is to really think about your other half and decide, honestly, what you think they would want. Don't book a trekking holiday in northern Thailand if all your fiancée wants to do is lie on the beach. If your opinions differ markedly on what constitutes the perfect holiday, the best trick is to plan a two-centre honeymoon with something for you both, say a few days on the beach at either end of the trip and a few days in the middle for your trekking, white-water rafting, canoeing, diving, temple tours, safari or whatever. Talk to her about the fundamentals - hot or cold - and the things that she wants to avoid - injections, spiders or a long flight.

Before you go

Some countries require proof of citizenship or visas, so make sure you check with your travel agent or the tourist commission that you've got everything you both need as soon as you book, as it can take weeks or even months to get through the bureaucracy.

If your plane tickets and your passport are under different names, take your wedding certificate along to the airport with you or, better still, arrange to send your passport off about three months prior to the trip to have it changed into your married name.

Consult your doctor about inoculations and anti-malaria pills: some countries require certificates of vaccinations and will not permit you to enter without them.

Lastly, whatever you decide, it's essential to get straight on with your booking as the best rooms, the best views and the best deals always go first. Also, don't forget to stock up on all necessary prescriptions (including contraceptives!) Try to leave these in their original bottles and keep a copy of the prescription to satisfy curious customs officials.